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SNOWING IN BALI

leached through his skin or he inhaled the dust in the air. Now, he was trying hard, and it was exacerbating dark emotions.

In Brazil I try to stop but I get high from touch, packing, you know. And then when I finish the packing I get depression, aggressive, shaking hands, heart beat dedededede, and then I cai do cavalo - fall from the horse. I'm in a party, I get drunk and then somebody comes, ‘You want a line?’ ... The second I put that shit in my nose I regret it. I feel like shit, paranoid. The day after my nose is totally blocked, bleeding, with asthma for two days. I feel to kill myself. And then I say, ‘Now, I'm not going to take this shit anymore,’ and one week passes, two weeks and then I cai do cavalo again. I say, ‘Today I'm gonna take one small line to relax,’ - and it's like, I take 2 grams; paranoid, looking out the windows, thinking the police are gonna come and catch me for the bullshit.

Then I come to Bali, totally broke, I get depression ... oh my god, I'm going to die ... they're going to catch me ... I can't do this anymore. Start cry, cry, cry. And fuck, start getting paranoid about everything. They're going to connect me with this guy Otto.

I get this kind of depression from abstinence. Feel like crying. I was shaking, I was aggressive over small things. My kids would do something, ‘Ahhh,’ I scream ... I never do that, I was mellow, nice, but I find some different behaviour. I was not happy about this. I start crying. You know I never cry. What am I gonna do? The world's going to finish.

- Rafael

Rafael sold the land near his house to pay the kids' school fees and some of their debts. But the house was still mortgaged, as Anna had used it as collateral for a bank loan.

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