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SUA CASA CAI - YOUR HOUSE FALLS

For ten days I don’t know. I was thinking she fuck up, she start taking coke, get crazy, high like hell inside some apartment, paranoid to call, maybe dead from overdose. I think many things. Maybe somebody killed her to take the stuff. I keep trying to call, nobody answer, nobody answer, nobody answer.

I call all the friends. They go to the apartment where she was - it was locked, nobody there - and then they find the key with friends, go there and the police come: ‘What are you doing here?’ Then I suspect she’s busted.

I contacted my friend - a Swedish buyer, he’s supposed to buy the shit - and say, ‘Please help me, Anna is there.’ After ten days, he calls and says, ‘She’s inside,’ because he has some police connection who tells him. He says, ‘Be careful, they’re gonna come to you. Be careful with all the evidence.’

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When I know she’s inside, I panic much more. I say, ‘Fuck, they come for me now. She’s bust.’ Panic, crying, depression, you know . . . the kids by myself. What am I going to do with all these kids? I had no money. I have to clean the house, take my computer out of here. I think Interpol is going to come here and take me too. Cry, cry, depression . . . was the worst time. I cannot go out to eat - I call for the pizza. I don’t shave. I don’t shower. I don’t even go to the first floor. I stay in the second floor, lay down, sleep, you know . . . and cry. Three days. I was in bad shape. Just waiting for somebody to break my door and catch me too.

And then Emily, the mother of my daughter’s best friend, comes to pick up her daughter. She asks my son, ‘Where’s papa?’ He says, ‘Papa’s upstairs.’ And then I was there, like . . . not crying, but bad shape. And she was, ‘Hey, Rafael, hello, how are you? Are you all right?’ ‘No.’ ‘What’s happened?’

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