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SUA CASA CAI - YOUR HOUSE FALLS

there after she got caught. Because I’m 100 per cent sure they’re going to catch me.

– Rafael

In Bali, Rafael quickly organised a buyer for his house, selling it much more cheaply than its real value, because the bank was calling in its loan. He was sure he’d feel better when he had the cash and could pay his bills, the kids’ school fees, their Bali visas. Weeks after Anna’s bust, he got the $30,000 deposit and put it in his safe. He thought it would be a good feeling. It wasn’t. He collapsed on the floor in front of the safe with the door open, just looking at the stash that once seemed so important.

I think, when I sell the house, I get the money, everything is going to be good. But it was not. I get worse paranoia, worse frustration. I realise, fuck, I sold my property. I’m never going to buy something like this again. I don’t have a house. Where am I going to live? Shit. I want it back. I feel like shit. Depression. Once the money looked like it was never going to finish. Now that looks like a dream. How did I lose everything? Before I have a house, land, motorbike, everything. Then I realise, I don’t have anything, not even the house. I sold everything. The house was the last thing I had. I thought, ah, at least I have a house. I don’t need to pay rent. And then it’s gone.

I look at the money in the safety deposit box and start to cry. I think, ‘Fuck, what am I going to do with this money? Fuck, poor Anna’s in the jail.’ I was really crying. Tears. Cry cry cry cry. Sobbing. Very uncontrolled. I lost my wife. I was scared, I think they’re gonna catch me. I was worried what’s gonna happen with my kids. Who they gonna live with? Where I’m going to send them? In my mind, I was very sure that soon somebody was going to come and catch me, Interpol or some special police.

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